Things that excite me!

Get your mind outta the gutter. Ain't nobody got time for dat! I'm talking about my current list of reasons to be excited:

1. Honey Boo Boo's mom might be on Dancing with the Stars! What the what? How awesome would that be? But I am seriously concerned that forklift foot may hinder her ability to do the Viennese Waltz.
2. Smash is back. If you don't watch this show, you should.
3. Besides Smash, all kinds of other good TV has returned/premiered: Survivor, Criminal Minds, Walking Dead, Justified, Project Runway, The Following.  My TIVO is crashing from over-usage and I love it! (After re-reading that, I've determined that I really need to get a life.)
4. Just got my NKOTB/Boyz II Men/98 Degrees tickets in.....okay, so I am not so excited about 98 Degrees. They had like one good song. Total waste of my $5.99 which I paid to Columbia House back in the day to get that dang CD for just one good song. But I am totally stoked from NKOTB and Boyz II Men.  
5. I signed my baby up for kindergarten this week.  It was both exciting and frightening. And also made me a little sad. Seriously where does the time go? Just yesterday she was my chunky monkey with the fat little arms:

What are you excited about these days?

Thankfulness...the abridged version

I didn't jump on the Facebook bandwagon of listing the things I am thankful for every day. Who has time for that? So, here is the condensed version:

1. For my kids. They are crazy and sweet and cuddly and hilarious. All at the same time. Every day is different with those three in it.
2. For my husband. He has been there through everything with me over the years: the good, the bad, and the ugly. And he still sticks around despite all that!
3. For my sister who knows everything about me and who I can call 24/7, 365, even if it is for the dumbest thing.
4. For my parents. I see bad parents every day in my profession, which reminds me how blessed I am to have/had great ones.
5. For the rest of my family. Extended family, you know who you are!
6. For my job. I love my job and can honestly say I wake up every day looking forward to going to work.
7. For my education. My parents instilled in me the importance of that.  Regardless of what happens to me in life, my degrees are the one thing no one can take away.
8. For my crabby dog, Abby (frivolous I realize). That dog was like my first born! Love her! Can't hardly sleep without her big hairy butt noozled up next to me.
9. For my University of Kentucky Wildcats. If you don't understand this one, then you are probably a hater!
10. For my house, car, and all the other frivolous things I have. They may be material, but I am thankful nonetheless that God has provided a means for me to obtain the things that I want.
11. For my friends. I don't see them often enough, but you hookers know who you are! Love ya!
12. For my health. I don't really need to elaborate on this one.
13. BLACK FRIDAY! I love you Black Friday!
14. The memories I have of my childhood, all happy.

My kids be cray cray!

Let me start by saying I love my kids.  I really do. However, I have spawned three completely CUHRAZY offspring. Case in point:

Helping wrap presents

Who doesn't love Skyline?

Spaghettios anyone?

Walk tall, carry big stick

I'm not sure this even needs an explanation

The living room after the Terrible Tornadic Twos hit it

Cause fake kitchens are made for tipping over and climbing on

Naked arts and crafts

Watching TV together


 

Happy (belated) birthday!

My baby boys turned 2 on Monday. I can hardly believe it. Just yesterday, it seems I was waddling around waiting for their arrival.

John Carter
 

John, you are all boy. You love anything related to balls and sports. You have one helluva arm and Mommy and Daddy are really putting all their eggs in the "John's going to be a professional athlete" basket. You are a real daredevil and love to take flying leaps off the couch.  You love giving kissies and you are so tenderhearted.  You are my baby that still loves to snuggle. You get your feelings hurt easy and you get mad easily. You are world famous for your fits where you lay face down on the floor and scream! :) You march to your own beat and only do things on your terms. If you don't want to do it, you're not doing it.

Evan Connor


 

Evan, you are such a good kid.  You rarely ever cry, whine or get in trouble.  You are kind and are always the first one to share your toys or check on one of us when we have a boo boo or cough/sneeze. :) You love reading and literally can sit and study things for close to an hour. You are our little intellectual. We are convinced you will be a rocket scientist one day (in case the John as a professional athlete doesn't work out, we have your successfulness to fall back on).  When you do get upset, the whole house is going to know about it....your face turns red and veins pop out! You definitely look up to your big brother to see if the daredevil act he is about to commit is safe....and then you do it too. 


We love you both to pieces.  You are each so unique, but also similar in a lot of ways.  You have rocked our world by going from a family of 3 to 5, but we have loved every minute of it. I can't wait to see what the two of you grow into.  I'm looking forward to the next year to see what new boy adventures the two of you bring to our house.

Love,

Mommy

Observations

This last weekend we headed down to Gatlinburg for a family reunion/vacation. Observations from the weekend:

1. Dramamine is safe for children and that shit works like a charm. 3 kids and a total of 12ish hours in the car and not one tear was shed! Not one!

2. Do not promise your kid a mermaid show without asking first of the mermaid show is seasonal....it was!

 

 

3. A bear sighting will unite people young and old. One came up to our cabin, my aunt shouts "BEAR!!" and 27 Pigmans came running!!

Can't wait to do it again next year! We all had a blast, thanks to our new best friend, the makers of Dramamine!

How do you pronounce that?

I haven't always loved my name, but the longer I work in my profession the more I realize I'm blessed to have something that's normal, semi-common, and pronounceable. Doing this job, I see all kinds of names.....and a lot of them are REALLY REALLY bad. And really really unfortunate.

Due to confidentiality reasons, I can't reveal all of my client's lovely names. I totally wish I could. Trust me, you would laugh! Hysterically! But I can reveal that a reliable source told me yesterday about a new case that came through the Court and the child's name is.............. drumroll .......... LITHIUM! Seriously?? Isn't that something they put in batteries? Or gave crazy people back in the day as part of their crazy people therapy? What was this mother thinking? With a name like Lithium, this mother has severely limited her child's future job prospects.  Top three career choices for Lithium whatsherlastname, Class of 2020: 1.) McDonald's cashier, 2.) Stripper, 3.) crack whore.

Then there is the story of the child in Dayton whose name was Chocolate Mattress.....but that's a whole other blog post!

Along that same line, if you haven't read the book Freakonomics, you should. They have an entire chapter on how naming your child affects the child's future. It's fascinating, and in my opinion, mostly true. I recently ran upon this other guy's article on ridiculous baby names and died laughing! It's all so true. I only wish I had written it myself, but alas I can't take credit. Trust me, you will pee your pants when you read it!

One day my children will thank me for names like Madeline, John and Evan. And don't even get me started on rhyming twin names.....I see that a lot in my job too! And that too, friends, is a whole other post for another day!

Roid rage!

Two of my three angels are currently on steroids. For those of you without children or who have never personally witnessed anyone on steroids, let me break it down for you: Day one = Grouchy kids, Day two = Whiny kids, Day three = Hyper kids. Oh did I mention it was a three day weekend and it rained the entire time!! That means this Momma was ready for the nut house by the end of the weekend!

I tried to occupy their time with art projects. Saturday we painted pine cones, had a pretend car wash with shaving cream, did art with stamps, colored on a shower curtain with dry erase markers, and played Playdoh at least 3 times. When parents pin this shit on Pinterest it looks way cooler (and their kids seem waaayyyy more chillaxed) than when my kids partake. Case in point:

Shaving cream head

You mean you don't paint your body with finger paint?!?!

I finally decide to venture outdoors on Sunday and then the Roid rage culminates with Maddy crashing out in a Meijer shopping cart.

Oy! What does all this mean you ask?? 6pm bedtime two nights in a row!

A Weaving loom = a night of doom

Anyone remember these from their childhood? I spent the better part of third or fourth grade making everyone I knew a potholder.


I got the genius idea to buy one for Maddy while browsing at Hobby Lobby. My plan had two fatal flaws:

1. My child has the attention span of a flea.
2. A 32 year old Stephanie has much larger fingers and poorer eye sight than 8 year old Stephanie had. Also 32 year old self has a much shorter fuse and is easily frustrated!!

*Fail* I gave up after about an hour and I only finished half of the damn potholder!

Vacation all I ever wanted, vacation had to get away.......

We had the good GREAT fortune of getting to go out of town last weekend for our anniversary SANS children! It was awesome! Special shout out to Granny and Auntie Becky for watching these three adorable crazies for 3 days. We had a great time. 

It was our first trip away from home without the kids.  We told Maddy we were going to "work meetings", which luckily, she believed. She requested we bring her back a surprise, specifically a giant lollipop:



Looking back, giant lollipops for 1 year twins may not have been the best idea.



The kids were exhausted from the trip to Granny's, yet also on a giant sugar rush still from the lollipops. I got slap happy/bored on the way home and took pictures:

I'm a shy lion

This weekend was Maddy's ballet recital.  Although I have been threatening to not do ballet again after this season (it's expensive, time consuming, and the kid acts disinterested), how can we not do it when they look this cute:

I mean, seriously. How cute is she? Her class were little shy lions.......so adorable. Here's the after shot (she was not a fan of the headpiece):

She actually did really well this year and had most of the steps memorized for her dance.

I think one reason I put her in ballet is because I wanted to take dance as a kid and never got the opportunity.  I grew up in a rural area and dance classes were just not available.  Plus, we was po (too poor for the other O-R).  I keep telling myself it's that old adage about giving your kid everything you never had.  Is that wrong that I am living vicariously through my 4 year old? :) 

A day in the life

Yesterday Maddy and I made cookies. She was in charge of putting on the powdered sugar:

Even the dog was covered in powdered sugar. But at least she's helpful in cleaning up the mess on the floor.

This is what the twins did while we made cookies:

That pretty much sums up a day in my life! These kids are crazy!

WTF Wednesdays

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Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there. A job that's often unappreciated by our little bundles of joy, while simultaneously being one of the most difficult jobs out there.....but also one of the most rewarding! Here's my reward today:

Nothing like chocolate and soft-core porn on this special day! I actually couldn't be happier....I've been dying to read this book!

Hoppy Easter!

Maddy began early Saturday asking me when the Easter Bunny would be here.  It was a longgggg 24 hours waiting for his arrival. We put the boys to bed early Saturday and dyed eggs with just M (18 mo. old twins and dye do not mix). Here she is dying her eggs!

(And yes she is holding up the #1 symbol........she is still celebrating the CATS winning the National Championship!)

I got up at 6am on Easter morning and ran through the drive-thru at Tim Horton's for Easter egg shaped eggs! They were so cute!

I told the kids the Easter bunny had left them breakfast! Maddy was stoked....the twins mainly licked frosting and made a huge mess.

The Easter bunny left a decent sized haul (the last thing my kids need is more toys, so the bunny kept it to a minimum).  Maddy was quick to point out that the Easter bunny got her a duplicate toy. Oops, Easter Bunny/Mommy forgot!  Told you they had too many toys!

Here's the haul:

Best thing in the basket....this baby:

Do you guys remember these? I loved them as a kid! They are only a buck at Michael's...they are the mini ones, but still that's a great deal! They had a girlie one and a sheriff too! So cute!

How was your Easter? Hope it great!

Baby Jaguar

For those of you who don't know, Baby Jaguar is Diego's sidekick (SEE PIC BELOW---isn't he cute?)

The almost four year old loves Go Diego (*barf*). For weeks, my kid has been saying she wants a baby jaguar birthday party. I came up with the idea to do all leopard print decorations (same thing as a jaguar, right?!). Run around all day today buying stuff.....get home pumped to show it to her. She tells me she wants a camouflage porcupine party!!!!! What the hell? I don't even know what that means?!

She's still getting a Baby Jaguar party, but would be interested if any moms out there know what a camouflage porcupine is and where I can find one!

We survived Halloween!

This year's Trick or Treat at my house can only be described as a joyful cluster f*ck!

Normally, I love this holiday, but this year turned out to be major chaos!!  Maddy started proclaiming herself a Strawberry Shortcake Princess 3 weeks ago.  For whatever reason, Mommy kept waiting....and waiting....and waiting to buy said costume.  In addition, I had tried to be El Cheapo' and buy the twins' costumes last year on clearance at the outlet mall.  Needless to say, I VASTLY underestimated how enormous they would grow in the last year. Thus, the robots I chose a year ago would not fit.  Again, Mommy waited and waited and waited to buy new costumes. 

Fast forward to this past Saturday......we had decided to all go as a family to buy costumes.  Then the dreaded stomach bug hit! Wiped me out! I finally recovered Sunday night, which left me running around like a maniac on HALLOWEEN looking for one Strawberry Shortcake costume and two matching outfits size 12-18 months that weren't fugly!

I literally went to four stores and wound up with 1 Strawberry Shortcake (that was a bit too small) and 2 matching Frankensteins!

After the stress of the costume purchasing was over, there was this fiasco (which Frank lovingly captured on film):

This is Maddy (a.k.a. Strawberry Shortcake) in anguish because she tripped and ripped her tights before she even went to the first house!! :(

Oh and then there is dear old Dad....as all good wives do, I gave Frank my stomach bug! He was such a trooper for going out last night given how bad he felt. More proof that he would do anything if Maddy asked him to! :)

Despite it all, the kids had a blast, which is really all that matters! Hope everyone had a great Halloween!

Will I blog more now that I have joined the awesomeness that is the iPad club?

Probably not is the short answer...because I am so damn hooked on this iPad. Seriously people. It's getting ridiculous. I may need a 12 step program.

In other exciting news, I have been on a 2 week vacation from work! Hooray, but I am already getting sad to see it end and I don't have to go back to work until Tuesday. I never get as much accomplished as I thought I would before I went on vacation. My house is still a wreck and I haven't gotten rid of all the baby stuff I wanted to, but at least I am about to beat this awesome game I found as an app on this iPad...quell. Seriously addictive. You have been warned.

This past weekend was my birthday...god, 32. Puke! But at least I got this rockin' iPad just for turning 32 (thanks hubby)! My mom came up for my birthday and we took the kids out to lunch at one of the few kid friendly restaurants, cicis pizza (chuck e. Cheese is the devil and I refuse to go there without tranquilizers). Of course in typical fashion, a disaster of some type ensues....Maddy had a complete meltdown over a gumball. See photo of partial meltdown below:

The boys enjoyed the buffet part...someone remind me why I gave chocolate brownies to two 11 month olds?!?

And the other awesome part of the weekend...my mom's homemade cheesecake!


That's Maddy putting in my birthday candle!! The best part of this particular cheesecake was that there were no extended family members around to help eat it and Maddy didn't like it! I savored the last sweet morsel last night as my husband commented "Your piece is bigger than mine!". My husband is very perceptive! :)

PSA Tuesday

Today's Public Service Announcements:

1. If you have a student beginning college in the fall, you should not bring him or her to orientation wearing a halter top.  I think it's safe to assume not only was your gals sagging (in her defense I only saw her from behind) but rest assured, your child was mortified by your attire.  He or she may now be considering transferring colleges before the fall school year even begins!
2. If you are going to drive UNDER the speed limit on the interstate, just pull over to the shoulder and let me pass. Thanks in advance.
3. If you are going to go door to door to try to sell me your useless product, please refrain from doing so at 6PM when I have just gotten home from work, when I am sweating bullets because I am still in work clothes that I have been in since 6AM and when I am trying to get my THREE sweaty children out of the sauna-like mini-van! Oh did I mention one of said children was covered in a melted ice cream cone and was refusing to remove herself from her car seat!?!? This douche bag salesman had the nerve to comment that it looked like I had my hands full!!!!!!!!!!!!

These are my confessions........

Bless me fellow bloggers, for I have sinned. It has been eons since my last blog! So I come here to confess my recent sins!

• I had to tear myself away from Never Say Never, starring the total cutie Justin Bieber, in order to finish cleaning my house last week.  I am either in love with someone half my age or I loathe housework so much that I will do anything to get away from it! :) In my defense, I did rent it because my kid loves "Justin Beaver"!
• Despite my post several weeks ago regarding my desire to diet, I just cannot get motivated.  If I didn't have a husband and children, I would exist solely on McDonald's and cereal.  Yesterday some client of mine actually congratulated me on being pregnant! WTF? Yes people I am chubby, but pregnant?!?!! I agree I probably should have dropped the baby weight a while ago, but it just doesn't want to budge. My belly looks like Oprah's arms...just jiggly due to extra skin! However, this client broke the cardinal rule: You never ever ask a woman if she's pregnant!!! Ever! Unless she is 9 months, rubbing her belly, in the throws of labor, with the head half way out, you just don't ask! Okay, off soap box.

Happy Easter!

Happy late Easter! As is typical, I am late for everything........even wishing someone a Happy Easter. 

Wasn't a very nice one here in lovely Ohio........I am seriously about to build a canoe and start rowing to work. It rained the majority of yesterday so we hid the eggs one time in the front yard for M. The back yard currently looks like Swamp Thing's second home, so that was out of the question! M was satisfied and more concerned about her brother's Easter baskets, which contained cell phones.  Hers did not, as these were baby toys. I learned my first lesson yesterday of having multiple children: BUY EVERYTHING IN TRIPLICATE!

Took Maddy to see the Easter bunny on Saturday..........first time ever. This child HATES all things in costume.  The closest she ever came to NOT screaming during an outing with a costumed person was Chuck E Cheese at about age 8 months.  This time was really no different.  She sat on his lap and covered her face!! Classic Maddy. She later told me she didn't like him because he had teeth. 

I will be the first to admit this was one skank-tastic Easter Bunny (yes, I invented the word skank-tastic). But, hey, that's what you get when you to to the local Walgreen's the day before Easter. I was suckered into paying for a package of pictures, where my kid wasn't smiling..........only to realize that my precious princess was sitting on the Easter Bunny's lap in a dress with her legs open!!! :) God love her! At least she's cute! This is blackmail for later!