Freebie List

I am a huge fan of Friends.  If you are a fan too, you have no doubt watched the episode about the Freebie List.  If you were under a rock in the late 90's, here's the clip.

Anyway, the general idea is that the Friends each have a freebie list...a list of celebrities they are allowed to sleep with and their significant other can't get mad. I was in college when Friends was popular and this subject became a hot topic among my friends at the time. Over the years, my list has evolved.  The following is the current version (in no particular order):

Channing Tatum
 

The guy is smokin' hot! Anyone who says otherwise is either blind or clearly hasn't seen the awesomeness that is Magic Mike. A true cinematic treasure!!

David Beckham

Someone once told me they didn't get the appeal and why people found him attractive. I showed that moron a picture of him in his undies and she quickly changed her mind. The only negative thing I can find about him is that he is attached to that twat Posh Spice. Bitch needs to eat!!! But his lovely British accent outweighs any negative that Posh might bring to the table!

Justin Timberlake

Dude has dance moves and he is HUHlarious on SNL. But let's face it, this choice is mainly for nostalgia purposes.  He is the only constant on my list...dating back to his N'Sync days.

Ryan Lochte (but only in a Speedo and only if his mouth is taped shut)
 

 

The dude is a douche, no doubt about it.  But he can swim fast and he is the hottest douche I have ever seen. He only made the list this past summer. 

Charlie Hunam (but only if he's on the back of a motorcycle wearing his Samcro jacket)

If you don't watch Sons of Anarchy, you should. If nothing else, this hottie has lots of sex scenes on the show. I think it's the bad ass attitude he has on the show that makes him all the more hot!


Honorable Mention:

• Ryan Gosling
• Adam Levine
• The Rock
• Jon Hamm (but only as Don Draper)
• Ryan Reynolds (pre Scar Jo....I think she is a trashy skank and just can't put that aside enough to move him up the list)

So who is on your list? And for those of you wondering, I am sure my significant other has a list and I know the top of his list is Charlize Theron and Alison Krauss.

Happy (belated) birthday!

My baby boys turned 2 on Monday. I can hardly believe it. Just yesterday, it seems I was waddling around waiting for their arrival.

John Carter
 

John, you are all boy. You love anything related to balls and sports. You have one helluva arm and Mommy and Daddy are really putting all their eggs in the "John's going to be a professional athlete" basket. You are a real daredevil and love to take flying leaps off the couch.  You love giving kissies and you are so tenderhearted.  You are my baby that still loves to snuggle. You get your feelings hurt easy and you get mad easily. You are world famous for your fits where you lay face down on the floor and scream! :) You march to your own beat and only do things on your terms. If you don't want to do it, you're not doing it.

Evan Connor


 

Evan, you are such a good kid.  You rarely ever cry, whine or get in trouble.  You are kind and are always the first one to share your toys or check on one of us when we have a boo boo or cough/sneeze. :) You love reading and literally can sit and study things for close to an hour. You are our little intellectual. We are convinced you will be a rocket scientist one day (in case the John as a professional athlete doesn't work out, we have your successfulness to fall back on).  When you do get upset, the whole house is going to know about it....your face turns red and veins pop out! You definitely look up to your big brother to see if the daredevil act he is about to commit is safe....and then you do it too. 


We love you both to pieces.  You are each so unique, but also similar in a lot of ways.  You have rocked our world by going from a family of 3 to 5, but we have loved every minute of it. I can't wait to see what the two of you grow into.  I'm looking forward to the next year to see what new boy adventures the two of you bring to our house.

Love,

Mommy

Observations

This last weekend we headed down to Gatlinburg for a family reunion/vacation. Observations from the weekend:

1. Dramamine is safe for children and that shit works like a charm. 3 kids and a total of 12ish hours in the car and not one tear was shed! Not one!

2. Do not promise your kid a mermaid show without asking first of the mermaid show is seasonal....it was!

 

 

3. A bear sighting will unite people young and old. One came up to our cabin, my aunt shouts "BEAR!!" and 27 Pigmans came running!!

Can't wait to do it again next year! We all had a blast, thanks to our new best friend, the makers of Dramamine!

How do you pronounce that?

I haven't always loved my name, but the longer I work in my profession the more I realize I'm blessed to have something that's normal, semi-common, and pronounceable. Doing this job, I see all kinds of names.....and a lot of them are REALLY REALLY bad. And really really unfortunate.

Due to confidentiality reasons, I can't reveal all of my client's lovely names. I totally wish I could. Trust me, you would laugh! Hysterically! But I can reveal that a reliable source told me yesterday about a new case that came through the Court and the child's name is.............. drumroll .......... LITHIUM! Seriously?? Isn't that something they put in batteries? Or gave crazy people back in the day as part of their crazy people therapy? What was this mother thinking? With a name like Lithium, this mother has severely limited her child's future job prospects.  Top three career choices for Lithium whatsherlastname, Class of 2020: 1.) McDonald's cashier, 2.) Stripper, 3.) crack whore.

Then there is the story of the child in Dayton whose name was Chocolate Mattress.....but that's a whole other blog post!

Along that same line, if you haven't read the book Freakonomics, you should. They have an entire chapter on how naming your child affects the child's future. It's fascinating, and in my opinion, mostly true. I recently ran upon this other guy's article on ridiculous baby names and died laughing! It's all so true. I only wish I had written it myself, but alas I can't take credit. Trust me, you will pee your pants when you read it!

One day my children will thank me for names like Madeline, John and Evan. And don't even get me started on rhyming twin names.....I see that a lot in my job too! And that too, friends, is a whole other post for another day!

Almost two.....Momma's happy

Well the twins will be 2 in a few weeks. Although I'm sad my babies are growing up, I am also ecstatic that they are starting to be more independent and self sufficient. It's been a long two years cooped up in my house. I don't think anyone can truly appreciate how difficult it is to take two kids the same age out in public without one or both of them losing their shit until you have twins of your own.

Because the twins are getting older and more well behaved, I took all 3 kids out for breakfast this morning. Granted it was only Frisch's and I made them all get the buffet (those 10 minutes while you wait for the cook to prepare your food is painful), but everyone lived to tell about it which is really all that matters!

Roid rage!

Two of my three angels are currently on steroids. For those of you without children or who have never personally witnessed anyone on steroids, let me break it down for you: Day one = Grouchy kids, Day two = Whiny kids, Day three = Hyper kids. Oh did I mention it was a three day weekend and it rained the entire time!! That means this Momma was ready for the nut house by the end of the weekend!

I tried to occupy their time with art projects. Saturday we painted pine cones, had a pretend car wash with shaving cream, did art with stamps, colored on a shower curtain with dry erase markers, and played Playdoh at least 3 times. When parents pin this shit on Pinterest it looks way cooler (and their kids seem waaayyyy more chillaxed) than when my kids partake. Case in point:

Shaving cream head

You mean you don't paint your body with finger paint?!?!

I finally decide to venture outdoors on Sunday and then the Roid rage culminates with Maddy crashing out in a Meijer shopping cart.

Oy! What does all this mean you ask?? 6pm bedtime two nights in a row!