Thankfulness...the abridged version

I didn't jump on the Facebook bandwagon of listing the things I am thankful for every day. Who has time for that? So, here is the condensed version:

1. For my kids. They are crazy and sweet and cuddly and hilarious. All at the same time. Every day is different with those three in it.
2. For my husband. He has been there through everything with me over the years: the good, the bad, and the ugly. And he still sticks around despite all that!
3. For my sister who knows everything about me and who I can call 24/7, 365, even if it is for the dumbest thing.
4. For my parents. I see bad parents every day in my profession, which reminds me how blessed I am to have/had great ones.
5. For the rest of my family. Extended family, you know who you are!
6. For my job. I love my job and can honestly say I wake up every day looking forward to going to work.
7. For my education. My parents instilled in me the importance of that.  Regardless of what happens to me in life, my degrees are the one thing no one can take away.
8. For my crabby dog, Abby (frivolous I realize). That dog was like my first born! Love her! Can't hardly sleep without her big hairy butt noozled up next to me.
9. For my University of Kentucky Wildcats. If you don't understand this one, then you are probably a hater!
10. For my house, car, and all the other frivolous things I have. They may be material, but I am thankful nonetheless that God has provided a means for me to obtain the things that I want.
11. For my friends. I don't see them often enough, but you hookers know who you are! Love ya!
12. For my health. I don't really need to elaborate on this one.
13. BLACK FRIDAY! I love you Black Friday!
14. The memories I have of my childhood, all happy.

My kids be cray cray!

Let me start by saying I love my kids.  I really do. However, I have spawned three completely CUHRAZY offspring. Case in point:

Helping wrap presents

Who doesn't love Skyline?

Spaghettios anyone?

Walk tall, carry big stick

I'm not sure this even needs an explanation

The living room after the Terrible Tornadic Twos hit it

Cause fake kitchens are made for tipping over and climbing on

Naked arts and crafts

Watching TV together


 

Honey Boo Boo

Seriously, what is there not to love about this show? The hubs says it's a train wreck. Duh! Of course it's a train wreck. That's the reason I love it. I mean, the family even lives in a house in front of a train track. It couldn't be more perfect.

In all seriousness though, this family is real. Mama may not feed her kids the best diet in the world, but her and Sugar Bear seem to genuinely love their children.  The parents are always doing something with the kids, taking them to the Redneck Games, out to eat, for pedicures, muddin', etc. They are making memories with the kids, which is more than a lot of parents can say. 

They also seem to be civic minded.....hell Sugar Bear dressed in a Santa suit in the heat of summer in Georgia in order to get canned goods for the community! That's teaching your kids to care about others and to care about your community. Again, not to sound like my own momma, but this is what's wrong with this country....the citizens have lost their morals, values, and empathy for others. Maybe we need more Sugar Bears and Junes in the world! (Mom, if you are reading this, I am sure you are cringing as you hate Honey Boo Boo! Whatever, hate on hater! I love this show!!!!)

So Mama's forklift foot was covered in gnats, she took her kids to bingo and she allows them to eat cheese balls in bulk? Your point is?!?! She's trying....she's doing the best she can with what she has. And at the end of the day, isn't that all that matters?  I think so.  My house is always an explosion of toys and dirty laundry, sometimes the twins don't match, and sometimes (not that often, so don't judge) my kids go 2 days without a bath! Hell, sometimes we even eat hot dogs for dinner! But we are trying and are doing the best we can with what we have. Our kids are loved and it shows.

That's the message I think you get from Honey Boo Boo.  And that's my plug for the show. Besides, what is there not to love about this hot mess:

 

Happy (belated) birthday!

My baby boys turned 2 on Monday. I can hardly believe it. Just yesterday, it seems I was waddling around waiting for their arrival.

John Carter
 

John, you are all boy. You love anything related to balls and sports. You have one helluva arm and Mommy and Daddy are really putting all their eggs in the "John's going to be a professional athlete" basket. You are a real daredevil and love to take flying leaps off the couch.  You love giving kissies and you are so tenderhearted.  You are my baby that still loves to snuggle. You get your feelings hurt easy and you get mad easily. You are world famous for your fits where you lay face down on the floor and scream! :) You march to your own beat and only do things on your terms. If you don't want to do it, you're not doing it.

Evan Connor


 

Evan, you are such a good kid.  You rarely ever cry, whine or get in trouble.  You are kind and are always the first one to share your toys or check on one of us when we have a boo boo or cough/sneeze. :) You love reading and literally can sit and study things for close to an hour. You are our little intellectual. We are convinced you will be a rocket scientist one day (in case the John as a professional athlete doesn't work out, we have your successfulness to fall back on).  When you do get upset, the whole house is going to know about it....your face turns red and veins pop out! You definitely look up to your big brother to see if the daredevil act he is about to commit is safe....and then you do it too. 


We love you both to pieces.  You are each so unique, but also similar in a lot of ways.  You have rocked our world by going from a family of 3 to 5, but we have loved every minute of it. I can't wait to see what the two of you grow into.  I'm looking forward to the next year to see what new boy adventures the two of you bring to our house.

Love,

Mommy

Observations

This last weekend we headed down to Gatlinburg for a family reunion/vacation. Observations from the weekend:

1. Dramamine is safe for children and that shit works like a charm. 3 kids and a total of 12ish hours in the car and not one tear was shed! Not one!

2. Do not promise your kid a mermaid show without asking first of the mermaid show is seasonal....it was!

 

 

3. A bear sighting will unite people young and old. One came up to our cabin, my aunt shouts "BEAR!!" and 27 Pigmans came running!!

Can't wait to do it again next year! We all had a blast, thanks to our new best friend, the makers of Dramamine!

How do you pronounce that?

I haven't always loved my name, but the longer I work in my profession the more I realize I'm blessed to have something that's normal, semi-common, and pronounceable. Doing this job, I see all kinds of names.....and a lot of them are REALLY REALLY bad. And really really unfortunate.

Due to confidentiality reasons, I can't reveal all of my client's lovely names. I totally wish I could. Trust me, you would laugh! Hysterically! But I can reveal that a reliable source told me yesterday about a new case that came through the Court and the child's name is.............. drumroll .......... LITHIUM! Seriously?? Isn't that something they put in batteries? Or gave crazy people back in the day as part of their crazy people therapy? What was this mother thinking? With a name like Lithium, this mother has severely limited her child's future job prospects.  Top three career choices for Lithium whatsherlastname, Class of 2020: 1.) McDonald's cashier, 2.) Stripper, 3.) crack whore.

Then there is the story of the child in Dayton whose name was Chocolate Mattress.....but that's a whole other blog post!

Along that same line, if you haven't read the book Freakonomics, you should. They have an entire chapter on how naming your child affects the child's future. It's fascinating, and in my opinion, mostly true. I recently ran upon this other guy's article on ridiculous baby names and died laughing! It's all so true. I only wish I had written it myself, but alas I can't take credit. Trust me, you will pee your pants when you read it!

One day my children will thank me for names like Madeline, John and Evan. And don't even get me started on rhyming twin names.....I see that a lot in my job too! And that too, friends, is a whole other post for another day!

Roid rage!

Two of my three angels are currently on steroids. For those of you without children or who have never personally witnessed anyone on steroids, let me break it down for you: Day one = Grouchy kids, Day two = Whiny kids, Day three = Hyper kids. Oh did I mention it was a three day weekend and it rained the entire time!! That means this Momma was ready for the nut house by the end of the weekend!

I tried to occupy their time with art projects. Saturday we painted pine cones, had a pretend car wash with shaving cream, did art with stamps, colored on a shower curtain with dry erase markers, and played Playdoh at least 3 times. When parents pin this shit on Pinterest it looks way cooler (and their kids seem waaayyyy more chillaxed) than when my kids partake. Case in point:

Shaving cream head

You mean you don't paint your body with finger paint?!?!

I finally decide to venture outdoors on Sunday and then the Roid rage culminates with Maddy crashing out in a Meijer shopping cart.

Oy! What does all this mean you ask?? 6pm bedtime two nights in a row!

A Weaving loom = a night of doom

Anyone remember these from their childhood? I spent the better part of third or fourth grade making everyone I knew a potholder.


I got the genius idea to buy one for Maddy while browsing at Hobby Lobby. My plan had two fatal flaws:

1. My child has the attention span of a flea.
2. A 32 year old Stephanie has much larger fingers and poorer eye sight than 8 year old Stephanie had. Also 32 year old self has a much shorter fuse and is easily frustrated!!

*Fail* I gave up after about an hour and I only finished half of the damn potholder!

Vacation all I ever wanted, vacation had to get away.......

We had the good GREAT fortune of getting to go out of town last weekend for our anniversary SANS children! It was awesome! Special shout out to Granny and Auntie Becky for watching these three adorable crazies for 3 days. We had a great time. 

It was our first trip away from home without the kids.  We told Maddy we were going to "work meetings", which luckily, she believed. She requested we bring her back a surprise, specifically a giant lollipop:



Looking back, giant lollipops for 1 year twins may not have been the best idea.



The kids were exhausted from the trip to Granny's, yet also on a giant sugar rush still from the lollipops. I got slap happy/bored on the way home and took pictures:

I'm a shy lion

This weekend was Maddy's ballet recital.  Although I have been threatening to not do ballet again after this season (it's expensive, time consuming, and the kid acts disinterested), how can we not do it when they look this cute:

I mean, seriously. How cute is she? Her class were little shy lions.......so adorable. Here's the after shot (she was not a fan of the headpiece):

She actually did really well this year and had most of the steps memorized for her dance.

I think one reason I put her in ballet is because I wanted to take dance as a kid and never got the opportunity.  I grew up in a rural area and dance classes were just not available.  Plus, we was po (too poor for the other O-R).  I keep telling myself it's that old adage about giving your kid everything you never had.  Is that wrong that I am living vicariously through my 4 year old? :) 

A day in the life

Yesterday Maddy and I made cookies. She was in charge of putting on the powdered sugar:

Even the dog was covered in powdered sugar. But at least she's helpful in cleaning up the mess on the floor.

This is what the twins did while we made cookies:

That pretty much sums up a day in my life! These kids are crazy!

WTF Wednesdays

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Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there. A job that's often unappreciated by our little bundles of joy, while simultaneously being one of the most difficult jobs out there.....but also one of the most rewarding! Here's my reward today:

Nothing like chocolate and soft-core porn on this special day! I actually couldn't be happier....I've been dying to read this book!

Things you never thought you would say

I often find myself yelling at the kids or the dog and then thinking to myself "Did I really just say that?". Or better yet, from the next room I hear Maddy saying something and I think "Oh hell! That doesn't sound good!" and I take off running!

 Here are a few that were heard this week at my house:

• Get the candy bar out of your butt
• Stop choking your brother
• Stop putting lipstick on your brother
• Why did you draw on your face?
• "Here's a nasty band aid for you" (said by my kid)
• *after remarking it was so hot I was going to melt* "No you won't melt because you are not an ice cream!

We survived Halloween!

This year's Trick or Treat at my house can only be described as a joyful cluster f*ck!

Normally, I love this holiday, but this year turned out to be major chaos!!  Maddy started proclaiming herself a Strawberry Shortcake Princess 3 weeks ago.  For whatever reason, Mommy kept waiting....and waiting....and waiting to buy said costume.  In addition, I had tried to be El Cheapo' and buy the twins' costumes last year on clearance at the outlet mall.  Needless to say, I VASTLY underestimated how enormous they would grow in the last year. Thus, the robots I chose a year ago would not fit.  Again, Mommy waited and waited and waited to buy new costumes. 

Fast forward to this past Saturday......we had decided to all go as a family to buy costumes.  Then the dreaded stomach bug hit! Wiped me out! I finally recovered Sunday night, which left me running around like a maniac on HALLOWEEN looking for one Strawberry Shortcake costume and two matching outfits size 12-18 months that weren't fugly!

I literally went to four stores and wound up with 1 Strawberry Shortcake (that was a bit too small) and 2 matching Frankensteins!

After the stress of the costume purchasing was over, there was this fiasco (which Frank lovingly captured on film):

This is Maddy (a.k.a. Strawberry Shortcake) in anguish because she tripped and ripped her tights before she even went to the first house!! :(

Oh and then there is dear old Dad....as all good wives do, I gave Frank my stomach bug! He was such a trooper for going out last night given how bad he felt. More proof that he would do anything if Maddy asked him to! :)

Despite it all, the kids had a blast, which is really all that matters! Hope everyone had a great Halloween!

Will I blog more now that I have joined the awesomeness that is the iPad club?

Probably not is the short answer...because I am so damn hooked on this iPad. Seriously people. It's getting ridiculous. I may need a 12 step program.

In other exciting news, I have been on a 2 week vacation from work! Hooray, but I am already getting sad to see it end and I don't have to go back to work until Tuesday. I never get as much accomplished as I thought I would before I went on vacation. My house is still a wreck and I haven't gotten rid of all the baby stuff I wanted to, but at least I am about to beat this awesome game I found as an app on this iPad...quell. Seriously addictive. You have been warned.

This past weekend was my birthday...god, 32. Puke! But at least I got this rockin' iPad just for turning 32 (thanks hubby)! My mom came up for my birthday and we took the kids out to lunch at one of the few kid friendly restaurants, cicis pizza (chuck e. Cheese is the devil and I refuse to go there without tranquilizers). Of course in typical fashion, a disaster of some type ensues....Maddy had a complete meltdown over a gumball. See photo of partial meltdown below:

The boys enjoyed the buffet part...someone remind me why I gave chocolate brownies to two 11 month olds?!?

And the other awesome part of the weekend...my mom's homemade cheesecake!


That's Maddy putting in my birthday candle!! The best part of this particular cheesecake was that there were no extended family members around to help eat it and Maddy didn't like it! I savored the last sweet morsel last night as my husband commented "Your piece is bigger than mine!". My husband is very perceptive! :)